Time indeed flies. How could I be 36 when days before I turned 30 and the next five years that followed, my constant wish was to die? I survived and I can’t believe I am saying how excited I am for what the future will bring, what kind of adventures I will still embark on and what life lessons I will still learn and count them even if it’s not my birthday.
I have never been this 100% engaged in the present moment, hopeful and giddy about the future as if I don’t even have a past anymore.
And I feel as if I don’t know how to write anymore or there’s nothing to be written about anymore but the new things I still will try, the lessons and realizations I still will make in the coming days.
Healing has changed the structure of my brain where I feel like I was getting all the inspiration from. Healing has surely made me feel as if my life has lost depth. It’s crazy how I panicked and wondered where the pain went. I have certainly lost my edge in creating and I was fighting with myself like how I was when suffering and pain was all I know.
I certainly didn’t know that life can actually and will actually change and that even if it’s a positive change, one still needs time to get used to it. I didn’t know know how to process beautiful sensations, abundance, peace and love that I needed to take another pause to allow everything to settle so that I could make out of what’s really going on with my life and make sure that I will never again self-sabotage and unconsciously press my own self-destruct button just because chaos and scarcity was all I ever knew. And this is the first lesson my new life has taught me.
Read also: 9 Ways to Get Through Tough Times
Rock bottom is not a final destination. It is not permanent. It’s only meant to teach lessons for the next stage of life. It’s a good place to reflect, recalculate, reevaluate, audit what works and what doesn’t and little by little, change everything that wasn’t working even if doing so was more painful and more uncomfortable.
Change is never comfortable. Even the positive ones. There are always adjustments that we need to make.
Rock bottom is a spring board. You can get out of any situation you’re in but take the lessons with you. Nothing in this world is permanent and that includes our sufferings. Our sufferings are the Universe’s way of teaching us what we need to know to fulfill the mission why we’re here in this lifetime.
“Work less. Rest more.”
I have read a quote that a creative must work like a lion. “You sprint, then you rest, you reassess, and then you try again. And what you end up doing is you build up a marathon of sprints.” This statement has helped me be kinder to the version of myself that always wanted to work. These days, the more that I feel that I have to work, the more rest I know I need.
The more overwhelmed I am, the more that I must pause to breathe, relax, do more of the things that I enjoy so that I could come back more refreshed and ready to create. it’s counterproductive.
Since I left my job, my entire being was in survival mode, my nervous system was continuously firing cortisol and even my subconscious was trained to hustle day and night not to mention all the other emotions I needed to put on hold, suppress, repress, avoid and refuse to face and heal all my life.
When this blog started to support me, I was sure more motivated to find more ways to make more money while I am sleeping but I am choosing to work only when inspiration hits and explore other hobbies, passions and experiences that will enrich my life.
Read also: 4 Simple yet Powerful Ways to Beat Burnout
New habits, new life.
When I said that I didn’t want my old life, I meant it. Now that my life has changed, there’s no reason for me to take the old habits, lifestyle, attitude and mindset that actually didn’t serve me to be a part of the new one. I thought learning was hard but unlearning was actually harder because our brains that programmed us to be who we are will constantly play trick on us. The good news is, we can fight it while still being kind to ourselves.
Self-love made me stop hating myself for being an emotional being.
Self-acceptance made me stop hating my body for not being able to fit back to my smaller dress size which made me workout almost all of the time and not enjoy my the food that I love.
Read also: How Losing Weight Made me a Horrible Person
Everyday is a good day to apply everything I have said I have learned and dedicate my life to fulfilling my mission.
Manifestation and law of attraction is real and very powerful.
Be careful with your words, your thoughts and how you speak. The Universe is listening and it gives you what you have in mind and what comes out your mouth.
Working out, showering, brushing my teeth and changing my clothes daily are for my body, meditation, journaling and creative hobbies are for my mind and soul. They are my musts every single day. I need to schedule self-care every day. My time alone is one of the most sacred things I am doing for myself and for my mental health and my soul.
Read also: Mind, Body, and Soul: The Divine Balance
Peace is my most priced possession.
Numbers don’t define me anymore.
My size doesn’t define me. How much I earn doesn’t define me. My job doesn’t define me. My age doesn’t define me. How much from my to-do list I have accomplished doesn’t define me.
Everyone goes. Everyone leaves. Everyone changes. It’s okay and it’s normal. Life goes on and wehave to keep moving forward.
Find ways to enjoy life instead of finding reasons to live and to be happy.
Change my story. I am the author of my life and I am free to do everything I want. No one is qualified to give me advice. Only I know myself and what I truly want in this life.
There are lessons in everything. Even in the most mundane task and the most boring day.
Even if chaos is familiar, I am learning not to sabotage myself by seeing peace as boring.
I withdraw, I observe and I don’t participate. I am guarding my energy well.
I am learning to observe what the people I choose to surround myself with are dealing with and what lessons I can learn from their situation. I am learning to allow them to experience their own journeys themselves instead of me always wanting to give my two cents about everything that I have experienced, read and learned.
Like how I allowed life to teach me. I am allowing life to teach them too. I can’t always save the people I love from the consequences of their choices and actions.
Everything is energy.
People can change. If I have changed, so they can and they deserve second chances.
I have learned to trust myself more. I am capable of doing hard things.
I have learned to listen to myself and stop betraying myself by not doing what I know is good for me because I almost always can’t take it when it backfires and affects my mental health. I have learned to apologize to myself too. I come first.
Embrace my shadow self and accept the fact that I don’t know everything yet and that I am forever a work in progress. As long as I am alive, there are always new things to learn, to experience, to explore and there are always opportunity to grow, evolve and do better. It’s okay to fall and make mistakes but make sure I will always get up and do my best to correct my actions.
I also start to listen to the advice that I give to other people. I am also working harder on not giving unsolicited advice.
A life we don’t need a vacation from is possible.
What a person thinks of me and how a person sees me is not my business. How I see myself is my business.
I am enjoying this version of myself. I have been through and fought a lot to become this and I am proud of myself for being able to overcome everything to reach this stage of my life where I am finally at peace. I am trusting the Universe more and more everyday. If I sat with my depression for days, weeks, months and years, why can’t I not do the same with happiness and peace?
Family is family BUT toxic is toxic. Family doesn’t always mean being blood related. I stopped searching for home when I started feeling at home in myself and by myself.
Healing taught me how to forgive not for them but for myself. Accept apologies I never received and forgive people even if they didn’t ask for my forgiveness. It’s for me.
Give everything and everyone time and space. Time heals everything.
Make peace with your Mom.
A hard one but taught me that family is just there and will always be there.
Pride and ego are not good consultants.
There’s no shame in being vulnerable. There’s no shame in failing. We are all trying our best.
Boundaries. It’s okay to not be reachable all the time.
Journal every night before you go to bed. Don’t bring all your day’s issues to bed to be marinated in your sleep that might cause you to not get a good sleep that will affect your entire mood the following day. Sleep is life.
No matter what awaits you in a day, start your day by doing things that bring you joy and give you moments of calm. Own your mornings, own your days and own your life.
Use positive affirmations every morning to set your mood to accomplish what you need to accomplish and just live a beautiful day. Spend a little bit more time upon waking up with yourself slowly enjoying your morning coffee or just taking time to just breathe in and out. Everything in this world can wait and will and can adjust for you.
Don’t forget to say your grace for waking up and having the chance to live, to improve your situation, to be happy, successful and at peace. Also when you go to bed feeling grateful for even the smallest or simplest thing that day, you feel lighter and the chances of you waking up feeling more grateful and light the following is higher.
Move daily, go out for nature walks and fresh air as much as you can. It will change your mood and outlook in life.
Use your gifts and talents.
Your talents and gifts were given to you because you have a specific purpose for existing in this lifetime. Your passions are not accidentally given to you. Find a way to make money out of the talents you’re given and you will never feel like you’re working. It is true that you will never have to work a day in your life if you love what you do.
Embrace hard conversations.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Always say what you mean to say no matter what the outcome will be. Like the others, you’re given a voice too and you deserve to use it. It is your birthright. Don’t be scared of hard conversations. It will set you free. It will improve your relationships or even break the ones that aren’t really for you.
Others’ behavior has more to say about them than me.
Some people will just never change especially those who don’t see that something’s wrong with their behaviors and actions and what’s important is that I know that it’s not my problem anymore. I am only responsible for how I behave and how I act.
The word “impossible” has already been removed from my vocabulary and I am wildly celebrating that. I have proven that everything is figureoutable. What’s to come might be wilder but I am mastering the art of being calm and showing myself some grace. I am also finding more ways to have fun while solving my problems.
Life without struggles and obstacles is so boring. I can’t die only bringing my shoe collection. I love how life is allowing me to experiment.
I thought I have learned patience but I realized that I am being taught different levels of it. Just when I thought I am already patient, something will come up to test it and that’s when I’d know that there are so many faces of patience that I haven’t seen yet.
It’s okay to be misunderstood.
My love for my time alone and the efforts I have made to heal had made me see behaviors and patterns from people. I would make my point once or twice and if I’d feel the person doesn’t want to also make an effort to understand the point that I am trying to send across, I am done explaining. Go ahead and misunderstand me.
I have no more interest in material stuff.
There is no race. There is no destination. There is no need to rush. Enjoy the passing of time.
Speak my truth whether it’d make me alone or surrounded by people.
My alone time is gold.
I have made peace with past, with myself and I have found and keep on finding new things to do, new hobbies, passions and places to explore, books to read and sports to try. I love getting to know myself more and what I haven’t discovered about myself yet and the potential I haven’t maximized yet.
Everyday is the same. No matter how things are, I will find a way to enjoy the passing of time.
No more waiting for special occasions.
Celebrate that life is all about nows and laters are not a guarantee. I live now. I buy what gives me joy, wear what makes me feel good, have my nails done all the time, tell people how I feel and make them feel special. The worst has already happened and now it’s time to receive everything I know I love and deserve.
Better to be alone than in a wrong relationship that doesn’t go anywhere, being with someone who doesn’t match your energy, doesn’t make your soul alive, doesn’t challenge you to grow and make space for the person like you who loves evolving and taking on opportunities to meet the highest version of herself.
My standards just become higher because I know so well that I can provide what I am asking for. Never ever settle.
Find the root issue of every issue I have and attack it from there to stop repeating my patterns
and to also save myself from constantly bitching about the same issues.
Acknowledge my emotions instead of denying their existence, ignoring the signs and effects, suppressing and hiding them. Separate thoughts from emotion and always make time to ask myself if I should believe these thoughts or not.
Learning and mastering emotion regulation and to not be affected and triggered by other people’s words and if I got triggered, ask myself why was I triggered so that I can heal those triggers.
Keep on improving the quality life questions I am asking myself.
Keep finding solutions instead of dwelling on the problem and resorting to looking for someone to blame. I am responsible for my life.
Keep exploring and overcoming my fears.
Finding myself doesn’t stop when I feel like I have already found myself. Finding myself is an everyday process of applying everything that I have done to get here. I am a work in progress and everyday is a chance to learn and explore the unknown. It’s okay to not know everything.
Love fearlessly and wholeheartedly no matter how many times I get hurt. Allow my heart to do its work.
Stop expecting myself from other people. Just because I love deeply, practice kindness, compassion and speak my truth that means that I can expect other people to do the same.
Understanding myself, my pain and my struggles helped me understand other people.
I am fully equipped to heal myself.
Always make time to listen to my soul whether by meditating or journaling.
Always prioritize myself. How I feel about myself affects how I treat the people around me. Having multiple lazy days and wait until I feel like myself instead of showing up exhausted, grumpy and bitchy. Take the time to rest, recover and recuperate and then show up without needing to explain.
Aging and getting old is a privilege
Admiring intellect and a person’s soul.
Gratitude makes me feel the richest person alive.
Today isn’t just my birthday. The blog, my soul, is four years old today.
You beautiful internet people, thank you for being here all these years. Thank you so much for being with me in this journey. I never really was alone. You all made me feel heard, seen, validated and acknowledged. Thank you for making me call myself a writer even if I was just trying to figure out how to navigate the darkest moments of my life by unpacking my emotional baggages and trying to make sens of them aloud on this little corner of the internet.
If not for all of you, I wouldn’t have had completed this whole process of metamorphosis. I feel loved. Thank you so much. I have healed my life and I am getting ready and very excited for the next chapter. Thank you for being a part of my journey.