What would have I become without someone subtly calling me out on my B.S., just continued wandering around with a foggy brain and such a stinky, entitled attitude? Of course I had it all before I couldn’t deny my emptiness to myself and admit that I was feeling lost and confused.
I never heard of a life coach nor self-improvement before. Mind you, though I frequented book stores, I never lingered in the self-help section and if I did, with a scoff for such cheesiness.
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I left my job not just without notice but also without savings nor concrete plans of what to do with my only life. I was so confident to press my self-destruct button because I knew I was coming home to my parents and that I could crash on their couch, eat for free and basically just enjoy a childhood I never felt I truly enjoyed and now seemed to backfire.
There’s a tiny voice I kept on shushing just to make everyone around me happy. Of course especially my parents who were surfing overseas waves just to keep us floating in style. I just didn’t know that one day I wouldn’t be able to ignore this tiny yet powerful voice that held me captive, paralysed and hypnotized to obey. I sleepwalked for so long until my cousin started to slightly tap my shoulders to somehow bring me to consciousness. I think he knows that it’s bad to startle a sleepwalker that’s why he kept it to a minimum.
What he didn’t know was that I was mildly avoiding him not only because I was given a heads up that he’s behaving a little odd but also because I couldn’t fight the intimidation I felt in his presence. He seemed to see through my head as if he has been there. I tried to keep our interactions short at all times and never gave him the chance to corner me during family gatherings long enough to further tell me a truth I didn’t just try to avoid but also deny.
I was focused on how to make money and not to listen to the blurry B.S. That little voice inside me was telling me. I mean, why did I even quit my job to land just any job again? I never made sense even to myself.
“A good teacher points where to look but not what to see.”
I read a book but forgot which one and the exact line and it goes something like that.
That’s how my cousin played his part in my personal development and accepting my spirituality.
He kept his major points short and just enough for me to reflect on. I rolled my sleeves up and did the work myself but the time came where I started feeling the dire need to see him to understand further. Despite my readings and my attempts to write everything down as an attempt to cleanse my system from my old self-limiting beliefs and social conditioning, I still craved to have that deep conversation, connection and that strong feeling of being understood in soul levels.
How can he not understand me? We came from the same roots despite the cultures that clash between us. Our mothers were sewn from the same thread and his mother has somehow raised my mother, what difference would our upbringing and values make despite being born and raised in two contrasting countries with vast polarity in economic situation and people mindset when our mothers are basically the same?
Our wounds might be in different parts but the pain are probably the same levels. The damages are at par yet I refused to open my ears and my heart to listen. The alpha female in me refused to surrender. Her pride and ego are as big as or even bigger than of a man. Instead, I increased my resistance until another meltdown worsened by a heart break happened. My soul can only take so much and finally, I started noticing the seeds my cousin planted in my head are starting to sprout. It didn’t just need time it also needed my care, efforts and input.
These days, I look forward to our conversations. Whatever he was trying to tell me before make more sense and my healing journey is more bearable.
I never understood what a mentor was until my cousin’s presence in my new life. The Universe has placed him in my life to make me realize that I must not just embrace my God-given gifts and talents but also use them to pay my rent for existing. My cousin and I are not just blood related, we are soul siblings and for that, I am grateful.