In this episode, I talked about all the lies that I told myself that stopped me from chasing my passion and living a heart-centered life.
Why I did I have to wait until I was 32 and for everything to fall apart first before I started listening to my own heart and give myself the chance to use the talents and gifts that I have been given?
Other people would have just gone ahead and given it a shot but there were so many factors that I needed to consider first. After three years of already doing it and at 35, I realized that they were mostly my limiting beliefs that I got mostly from my cultural upbringing, our circumstances and all the negative emotions that surfaced from putting myself first which has caused my mental health condition to decline.
But as I heal deeply, I realized that all my fears were just lies that I couldn’t stop believing because I didn’t grow up having enough role models whom I can easily refer to justify the kind of life I was living.
See, one of the reasons why I stayed stuck for so long was because of my fear of speaking up and telling my story. I didn’t know how to tell my story without being shamed, judged and not being understood. I feared speaking up to protect people dear to me who tried their best to give me what they taught was best for me even if I knew that they were not the best for me and I have a different definition of best.
The guilt and shame that added to my lostness, confusion, self-loathe, zero self-esteem, non-existent self-confidence, my fears and my lack for words to explain what was going on with me were actually the reason why I was depressed and that the word depression actually made it easier for me to say that I wasn’t mentally okay and to see a therapist was a no-no because a third world citizen like me had no clue why I must see one and to explain to my family why I must see one would be even harder to explain.
I guess this is just one of the downside in living abroad alone that became beneficial for me in becoming who I am really designed to be. Growth, transformation and evolution became inevitable that I just couldn’t fit the slot everyone saved for me.
This protection kept me silent. This silence killed my soul many times and the only thing that revived my soul was chasing my passion which happened to be writing and creating.
Nut now that I understand that I need not have anyone believing in me or showing me empathy to validate my emotions if I give them to myself, I am able to prove every single day that everything that stopped and stops me from living my dreams are just pure lies and this is what this episode is all about.