I listen to podcasts when I feel that I just can’t get my sh*t together despite my desperate attempts. By “desperate attempts” I meant, all the good habits I promised to do, my morning routine that includes journaling, my motivational quotes, my personal growth books, my affirmations, meditation and radical acts of self-love.
And by getting my act together, I meant, not feel inner peace, not inspired to create, feeling frustrated, restless and I have already pressed all my self-sabotage buttons so all I could do was be in bed, cry, binge eat and believe all the ugly things I tell myself like “I am not good enough”, “who am I write”, “others are better”, “I am a failure” and “I feel bad about eating not healthy.”
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Ending, not getting things done and procrastinating.
Recovering from depression is not easy. The body is very intelligent and even if you are mindful about how you process your thoughts, since traces of depression is embedded in every fibre of your being, its just there.
I experienced anxiety attacks where I would feel that something really horrible is about to happen but when I try to really think of what I feared, there’s nothing. I didn’t have any thoughts. I just felt my heart racing and felt really terrified.
If I have a choice, I would prefer having the type of anxiety attacks wherein I can just talk or write about and it’s gone. Where I can tell my anxiety that the feelings and the thoughts aren’t real and anxiety is lying.
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I am not depressed any more. I am moving forward and I have never felt this aligned with my life purpose. I am truly blessed that I saw a sliver of hope in the deep dark sh*thole that I dug for myself and things are now turning around but my excitement drives me insane and overworked.
I am craving for a kind of education that I wished I had that’s why I binge read.
I hate to waste my time and sometimes, I don’t notice that I am still working and studying even after midnight and when this happens, I feel bad, I binge eat, I would feel bad about feeling bad and when I feel bad, I would beat myself for it and not be able to get anything done at all.
This is the case when you have high-functioning anxiety and this is why I am trying to be kinder to myself. I need not get all my goals for the next ten years in one day and this is where listening to these four podcasts comes in.
During the height of my depression, I thought that I lost all my friends. Depression is a lousy liar. It blinds you. It doesn’t let you see the rationality behind things.
What I didn’t realize was that I didn’t just walked away from my old life, I also moved countries twice. And with all the changes, adulting and cultural differences I have been experiencing, it was so easy overlook this fact.
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I acquired social anxiety because of my fears in being asked what I do for a living when I was out figuring things out. I found it uncool to not have anything so I thought that maybe, the people that I would meet would think of that too.
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I thought that they would sense the zero self-love and respect I had for myself or for having not getting my life in order. Why? Because I grew up in a culture where “What will the others think/say??” is more important than what you actually want and feel.
I am still recovering from social anxiety and as much as I want to rush the process of meeting like-minded people to feel real connection, I had to end it and surrender myself to the natural process of healing. And by real like-minded people I mean people who are also doing what I am doing.
These podcasts ended my search for my tribe and embrace my progress no matter how slow I think I am moving. Because the reality is, my reality is, this whole thing of pursing my passion is now my way of life and not just a phase I need to go through or even pass by.
So for days that I needed more motivation, I heavily rely on these podcasts.
Rachel Holis is a motivational speaker, has over a million of followers on Instagram, shows up daily by doing live videos with her husband and the author of books Girl, Wash Your Face and Girl, Stop Apologizing whose words feel like a warm hug on those days that I couldn’t bring myself to stop crying yet no one was around to console me.
I wondered how her voice would sound like and would feel like. Imagine my delight when I found out that she has a podcast.
She doesn’t know me but I feel like we are childhood friends.
My favorite episode was “You are Made for More.” and I have listened to it few times especially during those days that I ask myself if this is what I truly wanted.
Her daily livestreams inspires me and makes me realize that it is impossible not to have thoughts everyday so I must show up for myself, for my life, for my passion and for my purpose. It could just be one thing I am thankful which is as simple as being grateful for still being alive in my sleep and second, still being to open my eyes in the morning.
Now I am asking myself how I came across Tony Robbins’ Podcast but I honestly couldn’t remember anymore. All I remember is that he coached and changed people’s lives. His hoarse voice gives you an assurance that everything will be okay no matter what you’re going through.
He used to be a janitor and grew up with an abusive mother but instead of looking at it in a way that he can use it as an excuse to slack off in life, he chose to see the good in it and use it not just to bring himself a massive success but also touch other people’s lives and take them out of the dark places they are in to fulfil what they came here on earth for.
His podcast’s guests’ stories made me question my own complaints, excuses and lack of motivation sometimes.
His books are also giving me goosebumps.
Two days ago, while looking for Eat. Pray. Love on Netflix, I saw that he has a show called I am Not Your Guru but continued to scroll. I was desperate to watch Eat. Pray. Love. again to feel strong to continue. But for some reason, I couldn’t find Eat. Pray. Love so I went back to watch I am Not Your Guru.
It was a documentary showing his famous event, Date with Destiny which is a 6-day intensive, self-development seminar aiming to change life for the better.
I don’t know what I expected but I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing from seeing so much truth, real and raw emotions of suffering, vulnerability, and honesty not just from him but also from the people who attended it.
I didn’t attend the seminar personally but I felt something changed in how I work, see things, I behave and perceive people’s attitude and character.
There’s so much goodness and I am determined to see more of it.
Tim Ferris’ book, The 4-Hour Workweek was one of the first self-improvement books that I have read but during that time, I couldn’t take make sense of it though I already got the message.
It was 2017 and I was in the middle of my online masters and I haven’t launched this blog yet so I said, I will keep it for later. But already having that thought in my mind I said, it is possible to be paid even in my sleep and Tim Ferriss “spoke” to me about that.
Three years later, as I continue finding ways on how to diversify income streams, not overwork nor beat myself so much for it, I came across his podcast where he interviews high performers, millionaires, professionals, doctors, authors, mental health practitioners and everyone who discovered interesting ways to make things work. I feel lesser alone in my chosen path.
I no longer feel bothered that no one is doing what I wanted to do so I have no one around to ask. All I needed to do is tune in to his podcast and there, people doing what I wanted to do are sharing their experiences.
I recently purchased his book Tools of Titans where chapters are filled with high performers and their stories. I read one profile a day and I find it enough source of everyday inspiration and motivation to continue creating, improving and even making my insatiable spirit satisfied.
In this book, he also talked about his mental health and depressive episodes and the more that I felt understood.
Straight Up with Trent Shelton
I knew nothing about who Trent Shelton was until I listened to one Rise episode where Rachel Holis was interviewing him. Turned out his podcast is being produced by Rachel Holis’ company. I didn’t stop listening to him since then and even followed his Instagram account.
His words shoot daggers to my heart and one of my favorite episode is “Don’t Die with your Dreams” which the title is enough to get the dying flame in my stomach burn wildly again. His voice has that kind of power to uplift and move me towards where my heart point me to but I feel scared and tired to go.
Listening to his podcast makes me confront my current reality and destroy the walls that I feel like I have been hitting every time I would lose the drive to keep going.
Things are different these days. I feel less misunderstood because there are podcasts like these that actually have the kind of voice my inner child needs to listen to and the kind of messages it needs to hear.
Never in my life I have encountered something as hard but as fulfilling as this path. I wish I can describe the delight my soul feels since I started listening to it and this I wish th same for you.
There are so many podcasts that you can choose from but try these 4. They will change your life.