I recently got out of a year-long relationship with a guy I thought I would be with forever.
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Our relationship happened quickly. We fell in love faster than I ever expected. I’ve never truly been in love before and was surprised that I could feel so much so fast. Everything was beautiful and perfect.
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We met at a bowling alley in college through mutual friends. We were very different but had so much in common.
It felt like fate.
We were both in our fourth year at a small school and but never met. We had both taken a year off from school but at different times. When we met, we were both happy as single individuals, but also ready for a relationship.
The timing could not have been better. I honestly do not know how I would’ve gotten through my last year without his support. I am sure if I asked, he would feel the same.
We supported each other physically and emotionally and had so much fun all the time.
We made a list of all the things we wanted to do together – a bucket list for the relationship. We checked things off all the time. I loved getting wine drunk and finger painting his bedroom walls. It’s something I always wanted to do, but never found the perfect friend to do it with.
We were best friends which made everything harder in the end.
Graduation came and we debated about what we would do after graduation. Do we stay together, break up or give long distance a try?
Where are we going anyway?
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We considered going somewhere new and learning a different language together but he wanted to practice his Mandarin and I didn’t want to be confined to one location.
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We went back and forth. This was the only thing we ever seemed to argue about and looking back, I realize that this has always been the breaking point.
We eventually compromised on a backpacking trip through Asia that would begin in Taiwan. It was perfect because it didn’t feel like a compromise for either of us. We chose Taiwan because it was the cheapest flight from the states.
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We booked the tickets six months in advance and I remember thinking, “this is the beginning of the rest of our lives.”
I just know that buying those tickets was the beginning of the rest of our lives but not the life that I thought.
A month ago
It’s Friday the 13th, my 23rd birthday, five days before we leave on the trip of a lifetime. He told me he felt like he needs to be alone.
He never used the words “let’s break up,” but I asked if that’s what he really wanted.
He wanted to just be friends. The pressure on the relationship was just too much and the closer it got to the departure date, the heavier it felt for him.
It seemed like he didn’t fully want to break it off but he also couldn’t handle staying together.
The pressure he was putting on himself to make the relationship last through something so life changing was the greatest deal.
He wanted to start the trip together like we planned but part ways when it was convenient for the both of us.
Keeping the relationship and just waiting until he thought it is perfect to go on our separate ways made me feel silly so we’re better off as friends.
We still got on the plane together while trying to at least be civil and act as if we are friends.
It wasn’t easy.
We spent four days in the same city and we planned to be here for awhile but I just knew that I had to leave.
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Nothing was going right.
We never fought when we were in the relationship but we started fighting everyday. The treatment he was giving me was not the kind of treatment you will give to a friend. He was being mean. This was the side that I didn’t experience when we were still together.
I left and I haven’t seen him since but I hope that one day with time and space, that we will be able to meet each other for coffee and truly be friends.
Some days I feel angry and some days I feel sad, but most days, I feel free.
I just knew that this trip would be the beginning of the rest of my life. I thought that life was with him but I was wrong.
This is the journey to discover who I am; to challenge myself and to become the best version of myself.
I am grateful for the relationship we had. I have never loved anyone as much as I loved him. He taught me to be vulnerable, to be in tune to my emotions and get back to my childhood habits of reading books all the time. I learned so much from him and I hope he learned a lot from me.
I am now traveling the world and living out all of my goals and dreams straight out of college. I could not ask for a better life.
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Traveling solo is the best way to travel.
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Being alone helped me redefine my blog and what I want to write about.
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I have met so many new people and friends that I intend to keep. I just know that we will meet in another country again in case our travels intersect.
There She Goes, the blog I created, is who I am now and it is exactly the version of me that I wanted. This is just the beginning of the rest of my life.
About the Guest Contributor
Elly is a recent Art and Art History graduate of New College of Florida in Sarasota. She is into traveling, creativity and art, experimental cooking, and spirituality. She writes her blog so her family and friends will not worry about her.
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